Lush for life

by:Y&M Crafts     2019-09-13
The morning after my first office holiday party, I woke up in someone else\'s dog bed.
This surprised everyone involved, but perhaps the sharpest dog.
The night before, I had an elegant banquet at a bar in Austin, where I drank two bottles of wine, smoked a pack of cigarettes and ate nothing.
I remember the explosion that night. I remember the fire . . . . . . Then I don\'t remember anything.
This happens sometimes.
Power outages like those cartoon animals coming down from the sky, whistle and keep you in the dark.
There was a moment when you were laughing with friends.
Another moment: Ker-PLONK.
I woke up that morning when Labrador\'s cold, damp nose hit my face.
Madam, could you please make a room that I have always enjoyed drinking, even if I am too small to know that I am not allowed to like it.
At 8 and 9, I used to steal half a bottle of wine.
My mom and dad left empty cans of Pearl lights in the refrigerator, a bad little secret for a good girl.
I would go around the living room, stumble into the wall, giggling. (
This story is incredible to me now.
It wasn\'t when I was so young that I drank, but my parents didn\'t drink beer at a time.
Who are you people)
In high school, when the dance team and the cheerleaders sweet plums sipped their delicious wine cooler and fainted on the couch, I knocked out Budweiser beer.
The university is five.
Cheap wine and new year\'s worth of Bourbon.
I am very good at drinking, which makes me very happy because I also like drinking very much.
Drunk solved a key problem I had. -
That is to say, I am me. An over-
I am a natural thinker, I am anxious, it is easy to settle down on a comfortable sofa and think about exactly how I can get out of it.
Sometimes if I don\'t like to drink that much, I don\'t think I will ever drink it.
Wine turns every one into a clear one.
I promised the party, I promised to dance on the table, I promised to smoke until dawn, leaked all our secrets, I agreed to have sex with the gentleman in the corner, I said \"yes\" to the hot dog with bacon and chili cheese \".
There\'s a swing. for-the-
The quality of my drink surprised me even.
My college friend told a story about when I came out of my third child.
Apartment on the first floor. m.
My eyes were drooping, dangling had a cigarette in my mouth, fell off the cement stairs, then picked up the smoke from the ground and continued to smoke.
You can say I\'m a party girl, though it sounds like a Spice Girl who grinds crop tops on the dance floor and shoots Jager.
I\'m more of an old man.
He believes in the healing power of raw beer and vodka.
Half of them were Irish, half of them were Finnish, and I was almost trained to drink.
There is nothing mild about the way I drink.
I drink very fast and have a lot of energy.
In any case, I never went for moderation.
Not in Love, not at work, not in high-end imported beer.
I want to go in.
So, when I woke up in the dog bed, there were a couple of mornings and I felt like someone had taken a Mellon ball to my front leaf.
God, it\'s a disaster.
It\'s an insult to basic common sense, not knowing where you are or how you got there, it\'s a big blank that should go for three hours.
\"God told me the little way I didn\'t need to know,\" I joked sometimes that there was a power outage.
But it\'s a bit creepy, like a episode in Twilight: your mouth and body are moving, but your brain is gone.
A friend later asked me, \"Do you think you are lost ? \". \"Yes,\" I said.
\"I think someone stuffed me with 10 glasses of wine.
\"Eventually I found out what happened that night: I was so blown up at the office party that I couldn\'t remember where I lived, and it was very elegant.
So a very good colleague sent me to the home of another very good colleague. (
It\'s almost a requirement if you want to be a lush, very good friend. )
In the middle of the night, I was confused and stumbled into the living room and snuggled up in the dog bed.
You snooze, you lose.
I was confused when I woke up. Then mortified.
When my colleague drove me to my car that morning, I asked, \"Please don\'t tell any staff about it . \".
He didn\'t because he was a very good person.
But he doesn\'t have. Because I did.
I turned the whole episode into shtick.
We laughed at the staff meeting.
My boss asked for details: Am I sprained or in the position of the fetus, Do The Dog want to describe my humiliation as accurately as possible or bark. (
After all, this is a newspaper. )
Comedy is tragedy plus time.
Obviously, the \"time\" is about 45 minutes for me and there is also a breakfast taco.
In the year after that, I stopped drinking.
Life calmed down but the normal feeling was quiet and there was no bleeding and I was eager to be a girl stuck in a corner booth until the lights flashed.
Give up what you like-
Whether it\'s a doomed relationship or a vodka martini--
Rarely happens in a moment.
This is the accumulation of failed attempts, returning to your knees the next day, just to break all the dishes in the cupboard.
So in the end, with a beer in my hand, I roared back to life.
I assure myself that I will be more careful and better controlled this time.
I went in.
It may be a coincidence, maybe a sign of early 21st century indulgence, but Bridget Jones\'s Diary and the HBO show with four beauties were popular at that time.
But it created a golden age for people like me.
All of a sudden, the most exciting part of being a woman seems-
A writer, a charming self
Demeaning the heroine-
Stewed on fish gills and chains
Smoking, avoiding the gym at all costs, acting like a slut, all of which I\'m already doing, ta-daaah.
It seems that people not only accepted my wine, but also looked forward to my wine as if I was a little windy --
Drunken adventure doll.
I am constantly drinking through two geographic events and several promotions and at least two very important relationships.
I \'ve been drinking for years.
Then the cartoon hammer will drop: ker-PLONK.
Now the funny and sweet thing for me is how loyal I am to drinking and I never stray from that escape.
All my friends around me were baked, dabbled in cocaine, rubbed each other\'s scalp on E, but I was like a girl who fell in love with her childhood lover: this is good, all I need is this.
I woke up six months ago at a lovely wedding reception and couldn\'t remember how I got home.
This is not particularly dramatic.
There is nothing wrong with the apartment;
My head is not on fire
My feeling is mostly blushing, and I remember thinking ---
The most important thing is--
The answer to any question I can think of is no: I will never change, I will never stop drinking, for the rest of my life I wake up in the dog bed every Sunday morning, I would be a sweet, heartbreaking little Lush guy who had to leave the bar.
What a failure creativity is, how narrow a small hole I stare at: I\'m 36 and I guess it\'s just . . . . . .
I decided not to drink a day.
Then I tried it for a month. And then six.
To be honest, I drink the same way when I try to reduce the amount of alcohol: Well, I only have one beer.
Okay, I have four.
Wait, I think it\'s really nice to have four people.
I don\'t know if I will never drink.
Who knows if they never do anything anymore, I don\'t even know if I want HBO next year.
But this predictability is the focus of the present, and it is possible that another story will happen that is different from the previous one.
I am completely confused about how to date without drinking, how to dance on the table without drinking, and how to say yes without drinking.
It\'s exciting when you let go, a question mark that extends to the horizon, not hanging seriously over the past night.
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